What Lingers
by aurora-sakura
Summary: VH. I'll never forget you. Even when I'm old. Even when I'm broken. Even when I'm lost. Rated M to be safe. Sensitive issues addressed.
1. remembrance

AN:

This is slightly AU in the fact I have no clue what Hitomi's father is like, nor the rest of her family.

Disclaimer: I don't own Escaflowne, nor any of the characters.

What Lingers

Ch. 1

She could feel the heat of the day past seeping in through the window as she circles her legs with her arms and leaned into her knees. She was cold despite the warm weather lately.

She was always cold... it seeped in through her bones. Drenched her soul to the point she felt like breaking down when she knew she couldn't. It seemed she was only running on the pent up energy left since she'd quit track.

Her little brother was in the kitchen. She heard the sound of the microwave heating up whatever little he would be eating for supper. Instant noodles. Leftovers. Or the maybe their neighbor had made them her special care packages again. She always made such good food... but Hitomi never felt hungry.

She ate out of necessity.

Mamoru was at her door now, holding a bowl of steaming delights. Only something that smelled that good could come their neighbor.

He was still in his school uniform, and she sat up a bit straighter as he watched her expectantly.

"Change your clothes, Mamoru-chan."

"My other clothes are dirty."

Great. She'd have to do a laundry run tomorrow.

He seemed undisturbed by her presence at the window. Hair- grown out now- falling limp around her shoulders, dressed still in her work clothes. A black skirt and plain blue button up shirt. She smelled like bleach.

"Do you want some." He held out the bowl for her, as if to tempt her. She didn't want any of it.

"No... I'll eat later."

He disappeared back into the kitchen, leaving her alone again.

As so often before, her gaze drifted to the moon, just showing through the haze of Tokyo, and, as always, she felt filled with self hatred at not seeing the one thing she wanted to. Just behind the moon...

If only she was a stronger person... she may still be able to see Gaea. See i him /i in everything she did. Everywhere she went.

She'd lost it when she'd had to leave her home, taking Mamoru with her. Protection. How sad she'd been when she realized the result of her actions. The result of her actually being independent. She almost wished she hadn't left her families home, just to see it all again. To have that connection.

She always had to force herself into realizing it was for the best to leave. Her brother and her could no longer take the beatings their father dealt, and mom wasn't doing anything about it.

Sometimes the bruises were so bad she couldn't even go to school. It was a miracle she even graduated at all. A miracle she got a track scholarship to Tokyo U. If things had been different, she could still be going to school now, not working two jobs to take care of her little brother.

If things had been different she might be on Gaea.

The connected had stopped shortly after the beatings began. Something had snapped within her father, and their mother refused to see it. Refused to divorce him, and refused to do anything about it. How many times she sat with Mamoru in her room to avoid the arguing, she couldn't count.

Van knew something was wrong before they lost each other. She could i feel /i his worry, but she always passed him false feelings so he wouldn't find out the truth. Soon, she'd pushed him away completely.

She no longer saw him watching over her, and it frightened her.

At one point, she believed that if she wished hard enough, he would come for her. So in need of his comfort she pushed aside the guilty feelings over the repercussions her wishes might bring her, or others. She'd done this selfish act over and over until it became a mantra in her head.

_I want to see him again. I want to see him again._

Her wishes never came true, but plenty repercussions formed.

Dropping out of track. Dropping out of school. Loosing Yukari to Amano and America. Her mother stopped returning her calls and pleads to change things...

She'd have to go to her second job in a few hours and she was already exhausted.

Mamoru was talking on the phone to someone, but she ignored it. She couldn't make out his words. She couldn't make out the four walls that surrounded her. The small futon on the floor near her feet that she had to share with her brother. The small desk that she once did homework on and that Mamoru used now.

She couldn't cry anymore. She'd cried enough already.

Van never liked it when she cried. It's been four years, and she can still picture his face perfectly. The way smelt. The way he stood. The way his eyes used to light up when he saw her, near the end... She sometimes filled her mind with him, to pass the day better. Imagined what he would look like now that he was older.

Sometimes, she pictured him as a king, standing before his people who all looked up to him, in the newly rebuilt Fanalia. Other times he was just Van. _Just Van_. She liked that one best.

She wondered, sometimes, why she couldn't get a hold of him if she still had him so vividly in her mind. For a few heartstopping months, she'd even pushed around the idea that perhaps something bad had happened to him. Maybe Gaea had plunged into war again.

Than the overwhelming, drowning thoughts came on. Maybe _he'd_ cut the connection, not her. Maybe Van was married. Settled down with his own family and a dog in the castle of Fanalia. Perhaps he never really...

_She loved him._

Sometimes she hated herself for not staying in the first place. But the thought of Mamoru facing their father all alone scared her more than the thought of loosing Van so she brushed that guilt aside. She wished she'd at least told him how she felt, even though she was sure he knew.

Maybe putting it into words would have been better... but she knew if that were the case it would have been worse to loose him.

She never once spoke out loud her affections for the Fanalian king since she'd come back to Earth.

Once telling Yukari the whole tale of Gaea, she'd asked how she felt about him... she simply smiled. That had been enough. Anyone can tell by just looking at her she was love... and when she was heartbroken.

Like now.

"I will never forget you..." Her breath fogged the window pane a moment before fading into nothing.

_Even when I'm old._

_Even when I'm broken._

_Even when I'm lost._


	2. repercussions

AN: Here is where the sensitive issue is brought up. Self mutilation. Suicide attempt. I'll try to avoid making people too uncomfortable, but this is the first time I've attempted writing something like this. You have been warned.

Ch. 2

Hitomi's POV

I can't help but stare at the bandages. They're wrapped around my wrists, white and unblemished, and I lay on the futon propped up enough so that I may stare at them as long as I wish. A reminder of my actions.

It was hard to believe _I had done that_, and instead of the self hatred I should feel- the shame and self doubt- I was more _in awe_ of my destructive powers.

I never thought I could go through with it.

What was wrong with me?

I remember being horribly angry at the moment when Mamoru found me, laying in the tiny bathtub we owned with the shower head beating down on me. The water had gone cold but I couldn't feel it. I'll already been in there for an hour before I even put the razor to my skin and sat back to nothingness.

I had failed. I knew that the moment Mamoru came into the tiny bathroom, dressed in his school uniform. His book bag was still over his shoulder. I'd failed because he came home early.

He told me later on that he'd come home because he "had a bad feeling", and I wish terribly hard he doesn't have the same abilities as I do. I wouldn't wish them on anyone.

He hadn't brought me to the hospital, too afraid they'd take me away from him. Lock me away someplace where he'd never get to see me, and send him back to father. He'd told me this, crying later, when I was silent in bed. I refused to look at him for so long.

If he hadn't been there...

I don't know what would have happened. Perhaps just as he feared. If I did go away... where would he go.

I could talk to him again after I realized this fact. He'd snuggled into bed next to me, trying not to cry too much while I whispered promises- that I now intended to keep- into his ears and soothed his hair flat to his head. He always had unruly hair like father, and another male I knew...

_"I will never leave you again, I promise. I'll take care of you." _

Even if it meant the sacrifice of my happiness.

What was happiness anyway?

Happiness- I'm sure- comes to me in dreams. In Van. In Mamoru who I watch over every night and make sure he has a good foothold in life like I never seemed to have.

If I was given the chance, I would do nothing differently... it was a hard thing to realize.

That means no staying on Gaea like I was asked to. No attending Tokyo University, or running off to America with my two best friends. No enjoying my teen years and worrying about exams endlessly.

Only work and Mamoru and this lonely state I've realized has become part of me. Seeping in through the cracks of the foundation I've built up on and which has crumbled so violently, so suddenly.

If Mamoru hadn't found me...

I stare at the pale skin under my arms, and my somewhat bony fingers. The little catches that clung to the fabric, holding my bandages together. Keeping _me _together.

A reminder...

I tilt my head and finger my hair slowly. It's grown so long... when did I stop cutting it? I couldn't remember. It seemed so unimportant, but now seemed a vital part of life. I nearly laughed at the thought of what people might say back on Gaea. Perhaps I wouldn't be mistaken for a boy... perhaps Van might find it prettier.

Since the 'accident', I often found myself thinking _"what would Van like?" _Like I actually know what his personal preferences were. It wasn't even just passing fancy either. Not drifting thought, or vague question. I would actually find myself getting _giddy_ over the prospect.

Would Van like this outfit? Would Van like my nails this long? Would Van like these shoes?

Stupid really... but I could almost _feel_ his hands running distractedly through my hair, grazing my scalp shyly before becoming a little more bolder and leaning down to plant a small kiss on my forehead. My eyes. My nose. My lips.

I was going insane. Or was this just the repercussions of love? To act so horribly stupid?

I could have laughed the first time Mamoru asked what I was thinking about and I'd told him "nothing to concern yourself with." At the time it had been a less than innocent fancy that would have made me blush all those years ago.

It seemed I was the only one without someone, but it didn't bother me. It wasn't like school when people would nudge you and say "why don't you have a boyfriend, Hitomi?" Scandalized if you told them you just weren't interested. Though the elderly lady next door did push a bit, saying it might help us out if there was a man in the house.

I tried to manage. I did.

I just... slipped off the right path a moment.

Or rather... tumbled head over heels with sharp rocks the entire way down.

The last of the sun is shining through the window. I should be at work... or starting the next one job. What time was it?

I moved to sit up, but Mamoru- much to my annoyance- somehow heard from the living room/dining room and was at the door in no time.

"Hitomi, you need to stay in bed."

I tried a half hearted excuse. I should be at work. I should be cleaning the house. I should be doing _something._

He was ready for my protests, and came fully into the room, handing me a mug of tea I hadn't noticed before. "I already called into work for you. You don't need to worry about it. I told them you were deathly ill."

He grinned, despite the gravity of the situation, and I felt horribly guilty as I took the steaming tea from his hand to blow on.

"I need to make money or we can't live here..."

His smile didn't falter. Not for a moment.

Sometimes I wondered who was taking care of who.

"I got a part time job after school... at the grocery store down the road."

He sat back into the pillows, looking up at him in amazement.

I loved him... I was glad I took him with me.

"You're too good to me."

"I know."

I wanted him to crawl into bed beside me, but he hurried off again. The little man of the house, only not so little anymore. A part time job... he was taking care of me.

I remember a time when I found him annoying, like all big sisters sometimes felt of their younger siblings. When he used to pinch me and go crying to mom when I even took a step in his direction. Or when he used to sneak into my room and go through my personal belongings.

I remember telling Van about how annoying he could be. I felt guilty for them.

So long ago...

Placing the tea to the side, I continued to stare aimlessly around the room and back down to my bandages.

Oh, if Van were to see me now. What would he say?

Would he hate me? Would he pity me? Make love to me...?

I like to imagine it would be all of those, though I knew he'd probably be more angry. He'd probably take it as a person blow... that maybe I was trying to leave him behind.

For some reason I could picture his voice clearer than usual. Had I heard him recently? Had he spoken these words before when I was on Gaea?

_You could have just let me help you, Hitomi. I could take care of you..._

I would gladly let him care for me... but it seemed too late now. Just a whimsical fancy.

Van might even be married already. Have a family of his own. He wouldn't have any room for a selfish, seer from the mystic moon.

I felt stupid, and angry with myself again, and slumped further into the comfort of the sheets, staring up at the off white ceiling and hoping that someday I would forget him to save myself.

Another selfish thought.

_I will _never _forget you, Hitomi._

My heart was pounding. My mouth was dry... and was I sure I was hearing voices.

...And I was speaking back suddenly. "Why not?"

_Stupid question..._

I felt myself getting angry again... not at myself this time.

"It's _not _a stupid question!"

A chuckle that reverberated around her head, rolled around her mouth and covered all her senses until she was sure she couldn't breath. Couldn't stop her racing heart.

_I promised I wouldn't._

"Promises can be broken."

I was crying... I didn't even notice until I felt the coldness of it sliding against my earlobe and into my hair. The voice was silent, and I desperately wanted it back.

I sat up, staring around the room as if hoping to see him. Hoping to see him sitting at the end of the futon with that fierce look in his eyes he always held. Determination in everything he did.

"Van!"

Mamoru was at the door, watching me with a strange look on his face. "Hitomi?"

I was panting, and sweating horribly and turned- what I could only assume to be- wild eyes on my little brother who stood strong in his post despite his worry. "Where is he?"

"The king from Gaea? He was called Van right..."

I nodded, feeling numb and strange. It was odd when someone uttered his name in this world. I'd told Mamoru the tales of course, and at the time he had been young enough to believe. I wondered if he still did...

"You were speaking in a different language."

I was shocked, and could only stare at him a moment before laughter broke through me. Slowly at first, and than I was doubled over with it. My body shook with them.

Laughter slowly turned into wrenching sobs.

Mamoru wasn't startled, or frightened. He patiently took a seat in front of me, cross-legged on the blankets. "Did he talk back."

I nodded again, fighting the hurt.

"Well... than you haven't lost him after all."

I would love my little brother forever.


	3. running

Chapter 3

I couldn't remember being this content. Surely it had been before I'd gone to Gaea, or the few months after I'd come back- before everything came crashing down and I was still caught in the whirlwind of what was Van.

I don't presume to be better off than most people. Far from it. Things are still terribly hard. Money is hard to come by, as is food, and it's had it's rough ups and downs when we were simply living off rice or the little amount of vegetables I could afford. Mamoru's gotten a job down the street like he said, and manages to just split the time between school and work, but he's always just as drained as I am at the end of the day.

But... I'm happy.

Van has not spoken to me since- what me and Mamoru call- "the incident". But, listening to my little brother's advice, all I do is simply look inside myself when I feel the same as before.

Van is there. He's just not speaking to me... which is understandable.

I don't blame him, and never will.

I'm taking some courses through correspondents, and have managed to get hold of some distant family over in Hiroshima who are willing to pay for my schooling, asking very little questions about why my parents can't do it.

Everything now seems to be about asking very little questions.

I don't ask questions about my life any more.

Was Gaea just a dream? What could I have done to make everything turn out differently?

Everything is the way it is, and I've learned to except that. No cutting myself, or locking myself away will help the situation.

Coming to except this has made me feel lighter. Not free. Just... lighter.

My burdens can't go away with a simple selfish act. Mamoru can't go away just because I wish to be alone sometimes. My old sores can't go away because I like to think things never happened.

I still have scars on my wrists from my mistakes. Old marks on my back from father's belt. Memories of all the sorrow and hurt... and love I felt on Gaea.

Even if it does turn out to be a dream... I'll think of it as a good one, and let life carry on the way it should.

But sometimes I wonder how I can keep upright through so much.

I should write my own book. Though I laugh when I think of everyone's reaction to it! A place like Earth, floating just beyond the moon? Never! Science has debunked such a crazy idea!

I'd laugh with Mamoru about it quite often, and he thinks I should write the book just to tick people off.

I think writing it would be a good form of therapy... though I don't really think putting everyone into words is possible. None of my friends there can be slapped on a piece of paper for all to see. Van can't be described through actions and dialogue as the _real_ Van. My Van.

Some selfish part of me wants to keep them to myself.

But I start to write it. Every once in a while I get the urge to put i something /i on paper. I find myself sitting at the windowsill with a blank pad of paper in my lap and a pen poised above the lines. A mug of tea at the ready on the floor.

I'd always run quickly off the thoughts I want to transfer to paper, as my mind quickly turns to Van as it always seems to do lately. I'd find myself writing ridiculous comments like "Love rules all else" or "I miss him so much."

No good stories can start like that, and I chuckle every time I read what I've written before groaning in annoyance.

_Eventually_, I got my act together long enough to write down a simple "It all started with an attempt to win a first kiss" but never got much down besides that. Even than it was more romantically inclined than saying it all started with a vision like I'd should have.

Was everyone so ruled by love? I felt pity for anyone who was in the same predicament as me.

Though... I highly doubted anyone had _quite_ the same problem I had.

I voiced this thought to him, a world away. I can almost hear his laughter reverberate through my head.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Things changed. Very quickly once more. I got trapped in the same whirlwind of fear again. That gut wrenching sick feeling that you could se easily drown in if you let it.

At that time, my heart pounded so bad, and I thought I might be sick right than. Mamoru was just as frightened as I was, though he didn't let it show. Ever the strongest one of us.

It happened when we were coming back from a small shopping trip down the street. Me and Mamoru had pulled our money together to scrounge up something other than rice for once. So our arms were laden with shopping bags. We'd even gotten ice-cream! We could barely contain our excitement as the carton of chocolate delight went through the checkout.

I was just turning the key in the lock- balancing a paper bag in the other arm while my little brother got the mail from the small slot box under our apartment number- when our neighbor came out of her door.

She was a tiny women, with a head full of gray hair and she walked with a limp for reasons I didn't know. Her voice was gravely, as if she'd smoked all her life.

She told us that a man had come looking for us while we were gone. An older man, with vibrant green eyes.

_"Just like yours!"_ She had said.

I smiled kindly, to let her know we were thankful for her telling us. I didn't let any of my fear show on my face, though I was sure I was suddenly trembling.

Mamoru was silent as we entered the apartment.

It was a while before I forced myself into motion, packing the food we'd just bought- minus the ice-cream- into a more durable bag and shooing him off to the bedroom to gather his things.

We needed to leave. He'd be back. I couldn't even figure out why he was there, but I knew we just had to get out.

The sweep of the apartment was easy. Mamoru looked under all the furniture- the small amount we had- while I quickly threw all my necessaries into a gym bag- like Yukari's that I brought with me to Gaea- and hurdled us both out of our home. The second home he'd come to know. The third for me.

We soon found ourselves racing down some street or another in a taxi, after telling the driver to take us somewhere far away. He was confused, and a bit angry that we weren't specific but I didn't know how to be.

My thoughts were jumbled. My mind numb. I had no idea where we would go.

In the end, I paid and stepped out at a park with a field and temple much like the one at my old school. Where I first went to Gaea. Where I first met Van.

Mamoru was confused. The look on his face told it all as I turned to him with a hopeless look on my face. This was where I normally depended on him. His strength. But I knew this time I'd have to pull through on my own. For us.

"Come on."

We took a seat at a bench half in the sun, half in the shade of a sakura tree. It had already bloomed this year, which I was happy for. It wouldn't suite are mood to be in full bloom with it's pink and white blossoms.

Mamoru was looking forlorn, lost, so I carefully wrapped my arms around him and leaned my head on his shoulder. I was amazed at how tall her was getting. I was amazed that I actually noticed such a small detail at that moment.

"Why don't we go to Gaea."

I looked up at him, confused a moment before I realized he was completely serious and had said what I thought he did. Gaea?

"It's complicated."

Could I really do that?

Part of me was saying I could.

"Why is it complicated?"

Why was it complicated? I didn't know.

_It wasn't. _

"Can we go, 'Tomi?"

"I- I don't know."

"We can get away from here, and we wouldn't ever have to worry about him coming to look for us."

_Him. _Our father.

"I don't know how to get back."

_You can get back. _

How? I didn't have the pendent. I didn't have Van.

"Ask him to get us Hitomi."

I sat back and stared at my little brother. Growing up before my eyes. Square shouldered and tall, wearing a baggy sweater that still made him look like a little boy.

He wasn't so innocent anymore.

"You love him."

I nodded.

"He loves you."

"He never said-"

"He i loves /i you, Hitomi. How could he not?"

I felt the tears come immediately.

He did love me didn't he? He was still there. I could _feel_ him there. His warmth. His protection. His devotion. His love.

He could take us away from all this.

Mamoru was my guardian. My strength and witness to the crimes against myself.

Van...

Van was my angel.

My savior. _Our_ savior.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

AN: the next chapter will be the last... I think. Probably. Not sure.

Sorry this one took so long.


	4. this moment

Chapter 4

We took the train to our old neighborhood, but I felt on pins and needles the entire time, as if our father would show up on the train suddenly, or at the stops we took. He never did, but I still felt a jolt of fear when ever I saw someone who looked similar, as did Mamoru who tightened his grip on my hand at these times.

We held hands the whole way like lovers- fingers laced- afraid to be torn away from one another. I didn't care what people would think, Mamoru was all I needed to get through this along with Van's warmth in the back of my mind.

All I needed to pull us along to get where we needed to go.

Without the pendent, I was afraid I wouldn't be able to get us there at all. Without it or an energist, I was worried we would never leave the ground and be stuck on earth forever.

But I knew that if I wished hard enough... truly wished... it could come true.

What about the repercussions?

I felt we'd already gone through enough to care anymore.

This wasn't a selfish act, not when I was doing it for Mamoru too.

The track field was still the same as before, and it was with a certain amount of yearning I made my way across the track with my brother in tow. It seemed so long ago I was here... wanting my first kiss from a boy I had a silly crush on.

Things change so much...

Even still, I found myself back here, wanting a kiss from a boy- no... man now- who I loved dearly and wanted to see again more than anything else.

As we climbed the temple steps- so long- I felt giddy with the excitement. Nervous with fear. Dizzy from the rush of it all.

How close we've come...

How far we've traveled to get to this point.

Mamoru was innocent to the wars I went through on Gaea, but we'd faced the same war at home.

The worse kind of war. The most pointless kind.

"This is where it happened? The first time?"

We'd come to the temple. The clearing before it, and I set my stuff down out of exhaustion. My heart was pounding so fast as I turned my attention on my curious brother.

The first time. The second time Van had come to get me himself. On purpose. Hopefully the same would happen again.

I nodded my answer, and turned to stare up at the sky. It was gray, and dull. Nothing like the feelings crashing around in my head. An electric storm would better suit the moment. Utter disorder.

"What do we do now?"

He'd taken a seat against his duffel bag, legs sprawled out before him.

Second hand clothes and worn out sneakers.

I took a seat next to him, shifting one of my bags over to support my own weight and stared off towards the trees. Up to the sky again.

"We wait I suppose."

"For what?" He looked confused, but ready for anything.

I wish I felt the same.

"The right moment... a signal or some sign that we're doing the right thing..."

"Don't you think we are?"

I didn't know.

"Yes... we are."

He nodded, and turned his attention on the sky as well. Pairs of emerald eyes looking heavenward. The moon appeared through the clouds. It was getting late.

Gaea was just behind it... I could see it.

The sign?

"Hitomi?"

"Hm?"

I didn't turn my gaze from the two heavenly bodies. One a copy of the Earth. Mountains, clouds, oceans and lakes.

"Everything will be all right, won't it?"

I smiled.

"Yes." Everything would be OK.

The column of light felt warm against my skin. It held me. Enveloped me in a blanket of safety and relief. I barely registered my brother's gasp of surprise as he was lifted next to me along with all our belongings- such a small amount. His hair was blowing upward as if caught in a gentle breeze. I could feel his hand seeking mine again, and I gave it a small reassuring squeeze.

So warm...

I could hear Van's voice. I didn't know what he was saying, but it didn't matter. The tone was so loving and kind I wished it to never go away.

"I want to be with you." A whisper from my mouth that sounded loud in a deafening silence.

I could picture everything about him, as I clasped my hands together and wished for him.

His smell. His small, unsure smile. That laugh I've only ever heard in my head.

He had a wonderful laugh.

I awoke to the wonderful smell of something freshly cooked. I could feel the heat of it wafting along my right side, and the softness of a blanket wrapped around my entire body much like the light had been. My eyes were closed, but I knew I wasn't in the column anymore, there was no glare behind my eyelids that lit up everything.

My lips felt parched. My throat dry, and I opened my mouth to speak.

"...Thirsty."

A chuckle I'd heard before followed by the soft sound of water trickling.

I didn't dare open my eyes, even though his smell was filling my senses and leaving my dizzy.

I couldn't dare believe.

A glass was pressed against my lips. Real and cold, as was the water that quickly followed as someone tipped it up for me. I pulled a hand free of the covers to place it on the cup. My fingers met with a strong hand, and I grew braver as I slid my fingers along the other's. Callused. Dry. A man's hands.

The person was quiet. He was quiet... but he removed the glass from my mouth when I stopped swallowing it back, but brought his fingers back to mine just as quick as he took them away. They laced with mine, delicately, almost playfully and I smiled.

I still didn't open my eyes.

"And... Mamoru?"

"Your brother's here too."

I nodded, marveling at how his voice sounded now that it was _right here_. Deep, careful spoken with a breathy pronunciation on the word 'brother'.

His hand still held mine. His thumb kept gliding over the back of my hand in the most sweetest gesture I'd ever felt. "Fanalia?"

"Fanalia..." He said his own country the most beautiful of all his words. "Hitomi..."

Lord... not nearly as beautiful as he said that one.

I sighed contentedly, and I think he thought this funny as I could _hear_ his smile in his next words. "Are you hungry?"

No. I just wanted to sit here with him.

"A little..."

"Here." I did open my eyes than, as I felt him shifting my pillow at my head and I obliged. Sitting up I caught my first glimpse of him in years.

He was still my Van... only older. He looked older. He looked happier. His eyes danced with something I couldn't name.

I'm sure mine were doing the same.

After getting comfortable I let my eyes fall over to the corner of the expansive room. Mamoru was laying down on a large cot, his breath slow and steady. Sleeping. He looked comfortable and I was glad he was safe.

"I thought you might like him in the same room with you."

"Yes..." I took the bowl of red soup he'd offered me. Vegetables floated around the top of it. It smelled wonderful. It tasted wonderful.

He watched while I ate- which didn't bother me when it was him- and smiled at my delighted expression when I reached the last bit of the soup. The corners of his eyes crinkled up a bit when he really smiled like that. I loved it.

His real smile.

He took the wooden bowl from me, placing it back on the small table to the side of the large bed I found myself in. In another instant, he had kicked his shoes off and was crawling up into the bed next to me.

Normally, when I'd first been around him I knew I would have protested. Maybe slapped him- I winced at the memory of all those other times- but I found myself completely comfortable with the situation, even as he lay down surely next to me and wrapped an arm around me. It rested lightly across my stomach. A comfortable weight.

I'd never been so comfortable in my life.

I turned my head to face him. His head was on my pillow. I could feel his breath against the top of my head until I angled my face to gaze up at his. The obvious chin stubble. He had a few freckles dashed across his nose that I figured were from the sun of his country. He had one right under his left eye.

His eyes were still as intense as ever.

I couldn't look away.

"Are you fine with this?"

Staying here? Laying like this with him?

"More than fine."

"I will take care of you."

I laughed. Pure happiness surging through me. He smiled. My brother shifted on his cot.

"I know, Van..."

"I will protect you."

This time I didn't object to his words. Let him protect me? It seemed the most wonderful thing to happen.

"I know."

I closed my eyes and pulled myself to his chest, feeling his heart beat steady against my ear, the rise and fall of his stomach as he took careful breaths. I felt he was breathing life into me again, like he'd done before. It seemed we'd lain like this before. All those years when he was there with me. Did he dream of this like I did. Perhaps my dreams really did happen. Perhaps we'd stayed in each others arms all along...

For just this moment, I could forget everything. The war. My father. My sins against myself.

I could forget the world around us. The room around us. Mamoru in the corner.

All that was left was me and the man that would protect us. Keep us safe. Love us forever.

He shifted and buried his head in the space between my shoulder-blade and ear. His lips moved against my neck from him simply whispering the most wonderful three words in the universe. His hair tickled my cheek. His breath warmed my skin. His grip on me tightened for just a moment as I held him just a bit tighter as well.

I couldn't remember feeling this content.

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AN: It is done!

Review please!


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